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Amelia Elyson

I spend all day effortlessly distracted from you 

but then night falls 

and I think of all the things you made me feel 

And how safe I felt in your arms 

and I trudge through evening until

I can cocoon myself in bittersweet dreams 

Of You. 

Last week I turned up to your party 

At 2am, staggering and reeling 

As burning liquor coursed through

my veins. And you smiled at me 

 

the way you used to

and you looked in my eyes

for the first time in months 

and I felt everything 

and nothing all at once. 

I seem stuck in this purgatory 

and everything leads back to you. 

I’m not going backwards but 

I’m not going forwards either 

and I’m tired of feeling like I’m falling 

With no safety net when I look at you.

But regardless, the earth keeps turning

And even though the stars remind me of you

And I can’t help but ache a little 

Every night away from you pulls me

Further from your intoxicating orbit 

Of take and more take. One day the

Memories of you won’t feel so tangible

And maybe I'll look at the night sky and 

See only the night sky.

Do you think I’ll finally be at peace?

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© Helicon Magazine 2019

University of Bristol