We asked for your best revenge confessions...

Esme Barrell

A bit of healthy confession does wonders for your peace of mind, conscience and can even redeem you from your sins. But forget the morality- we decided that publicly confessing to your previous acts of mischief, bitterness and pure sass is a great form of entertainment at a party. 

 

On Tuesday evening at the launch of our Revenge issue, among the chatting and mingling of our guests, a confession pot was placed for all our guests to come clean about their greatest revenge secrets. They could be humourous  or just performances of stone cold bitchiness- we wanted to hear them all. So as glitter glue flowed copiously at the card making table, whilst poetry was performed by Melissa Pettitt and Simran Randhawa and (particularly) after a few drinks had been drunk,  the pot filled with guilt-ridden notes.

 

We promised the winner a Cass Art bag filled with arty supplies in exchange for their confession of exemplary vengeful behaviour. But we were so overwhelmed by the ruthless determination and lack of mercy exhibited in all of your submissions that we had to narrow it down to a shortlist of three. So, these were our favourites (in no particular order as I don’t want to ignite anymore hateful sentiments):

 

“She stole my boyfriend, so I stole her friends.”

 

 

“Pissing in people’s shoes if they have annoyed me”

We particularly like the ironic kiss at the end of this confession, but think it may take a bit more than that to find forgiveness for this one. Worryingly this note is anonymous, so check your shoes, everyone.

 

And, the winner….

 

“My best friend borrowed my jumper without asking so I licked every object she had on her bedside table, and didn’t tell her for two months.”

But, clearly, this confessor’s thirst for sweet revenge had not been yet been quenched. Later that evening, one member of our Helicon Team received a text message;

 

 

What’s an alarm clock, if not a third party in the exchange of two friends getting even with one another?

Some other confessions that we didn’t read out at the event include:

 

“My housemate pissed me off so we stuck a dildo to his wardrobe”.

 

“Half of my flatmates booked, viewed and bought a house without telling the other half of us. When we found out, we changed the group chat name to ‘people I used to respect’ and bought them a ‘You’re Moving!’ card with spiteful messages inside.”

 

So, with the confession pot being marking the end of our Revenge themed issue, the Helicon Team now wishes you all Merry Christmas- one filled with lots of love and forgiveness. Just because Wham! decided to get one over on an ex-lover by giving his heart to someone better, doesn’t mean you have to be so vengeful over the holidays.

 

helicon.magazine@gmail.com

© Helicon Magazine 2019

University of Bristol